Straddling Is Stressful!
First off I want to start by saying I really enjoyed this book. Lubrano did an excellent job of explaining the transition of blue collar to white collar which personal descriptions the whole way. This book was extremely easy to read I found myself wanting to read on because he made such interesting points. My father is actually starting to read it because a number of things he described about his journey and others I feel that my dad can relate to almost exactly.
I love that Lubrano starts is Introduction section of the book with “I am two people” This little phrase examples more than I could have imagined before started to read this book. I never thought of people feeling like that are two different people because of what they came from and where they are now. I love that he ingeniously uses the term “Straddlers” and that they are in “Limbo” to describe the transition between blue collar and what we know of as the middle class. There arnt two better words to explain this phase.
I feel like the majority of this book the blue collar parents’ just want what is best for their children. When he talks about his father being a bricklayer and how his father had build many colleges, condos, and office towers that he wasn’t even allowed in. he says “once the walls were up, a place took on a different feel for him, as though he wasn’t welcome anymore.” I feel like this could represent a lot of the feelings the people had throughout the book. Also he talks about when the white collar kids of blue-collar parents look or a place of work they are looking for a career not a job. I feel like this message is powerful because a lot of the blue collared parents (same as his dad) just wanted their kids to have a job, an income no matter what. The children, on the other hand, wanted a career no matter what the money which is were there could be a misunderstanding. He said his dad told him “Make as much money as you can, to pay for as good a life you can get.” Obviously his dad just wants him to be well off, but he wanted different things out of his career not just the money. I feel like these were a perfect example of his “clash of values” because the kids from their parents just have different values.
Straddlers for me is an impactful word because it is the truth. When interviewing the author lets us know that many of these people feel that they don’t know how to act when in certain worlds. Such as under the Office Politics the author gives examples of how his father would react to certain situation and he is trying to tell his father that in the office you cant do that. For example, his dad says “Next time, you grab the guy by the throat, push him against the wall, and tell him he’s a big fat jerk.” Obviously this would never work in the office, but his father doesn’t understand that. Also of the interviewees were straddlers for not know how to act or changing even their tone of voice when with certain people.
When the book talks about Identity changing and how college corrupts, I can really get a feel for how these people feel. I agree that as the book says “College is where the Great Change begins.” I truly feel that if someone is from a blue collar family and they are pushing themselves to go to college they are already changing. They have different goals and dreams so they are already becoming these “Straddlers.” When Greg Andrews the history professor says, “Every bit of learning takes you further from your parents” I agree with this statement to a degree. My father was the first and only member of his family to go to college and graduate and his parents could not understand him. I feel like to this day they still to not understand his accomplishment because his parents and siblings’ cant relate so they don’t understand. Is this true in all cases? No, but I am sure it is for a lot of people and the few examples in this book.
As a whole I thought this book was really good. I like that it opened my eyes to certain things I may have overlooked in the past and raise some very good points. Now I find myself wondering do the “straddlers” every get comfortable in each side or will they always have the stress of not completely fitting into one or both sides? Can the blue-collared parents ever truly understand their white collared kids? Will they always feel like they are two people?
I thought the book was really good too. I thought it was easy to read everything that Lubrano wrote and I also think that he did a great job describing the transition and some of the most revealing moments of those stuck in the middle of two classes.
ReplyDeleteI think that the straddlers probably get more comfortable with time, though with extremely stressed relationships, like the one with Anthony Lukas and his father, who actually became violent when his son disagreed with him.
Also, forgot to mention that I think some blue collared parents will never understand their kids if they start to change - if they educate themselves or get a better job. But some parents will always know their children. My father never went to college, but he still understands me. I think there are huge differences in each family.
ReplyDeleteI have to most definitely agree with you on your third paragraph. My dad is a home builder and owns his own successful company. I can not imagine my dad working so hard to complete a job and not even be able to step inside the walls and see the complete finished project. I think some people maybe put up these "walls" to keep their social status within, but I would have to agree that the blue collared parents due generally want what is best for their children. They think money is the answer. I think many of these parents think money will bring there children happiness. When in all reality, they should be more on happiness and if they like their job. It's like a saying I once heard "Marry money, then learn to love them" how shallow is that!!!! I feel that it relates to the feelings of some blue collared parents.
ReplyDelete"The children, on the other hand, wanted a career no matter what the money which is were there could be a misunderstanding."
ReplyDeleteI don't know that I agree with this. The pursuit of money seems to be the big reason for taking certain jobs. Maybe the author went and pursued his dreams and got the job he wanted, but a lot of people, whether blue-collar or not, settle for the job that makes them the most money as quickly as possible. I know a few people, one of whom graduated with a BFA from the Cincinnati Art Academy, who work in copy rooms at law firms, or as personal secretaries. The personal secretary (her name is Kirsten) frequently works 6-day, 70+ hour weeks. She hates it, but she continues to do it because it pays ridiculously well, especially when you factor in overtime. From what I know of my Dad's family (all blue-collar), they all settled for the first job that paid them enough to be comfortable. One of the stories very early on in the book (I think around page 30) features Dot, who says that her mother was about survival, and not to ask her (mother) about dreams.
I would say that the vast majority of people take jobs because they need the money, not because they ever dreamed of being the regional manager of sales and marketing. On a personal note, it really bothers me that America puts so much emphasis on the business and financial world. We've created a society that values two things: athletes and bankers.
Oh, and lawyers. We definitely like suing people.
“College is where the Great Change begins.”
I liked the story about the guy whose mother didn't want him to go to college because she didn't want him to be an atheist and a communist, so he went to college and became an atheist and a communist so as not to disappoint her.
I think that Lubrano did an excellent job of making this a smooth read and the type of book you never want to put to down. He certainly made it clear when he talks about white collar and blue collar and the major differences. I think you make a lot of interesting points especially when you talk about the Straddlers. It is a truth, and they don't know how to act. I feel like the straddlers think that its "there way or the highway" because they can't react however they want in situations. When there is a problem you solve it the best you can, you don’t start a fight and make matters worse.
ReplyDeleteI also agree with the statement "Every bit of learning takes you further from your parents". My parents didn't graduate from college and when I am struggling in school and need help with something, I can't go to my parents for help because they don't understand. I have to go to either my brother or my sister because they are in the same college atmosphere as me. College is where the great change begins and I couldn't agree with that statement more. In today's world you need a BA degree in order to be hired in the workplace today. College is changing the lives of the youth and setting up success for every student attending school.
Howard C. Cutler co-authored a book with the Dalai Lama called _The Art of Happiness at Work_. I teach a selection from it in my Work, Class, and Economy writing course. In the selection I teach, the Dalai Lama and Cutler discuss the difference between a job, career, and calling. A job is temporary, largely unfulfilling, and acquired solely for a paycheck. The career is long-term, a bit more fulfilling (at least professionally-speaking), and taken to "make a living." The calling, a term adopted from religious circles ("I was called upon by God to serve my people" kind of thing), is a lifetime dedication, absolutely fulfilling, and pursued to make a difference in the world. Many people who find their calling claim that they were meant or born to do it.
ReplyDeleteI think this three-tiered distinction helps make sense of Lubrano's father's difficulty fathoming his son's "desire to work at something interesting...rather than merely profitable" (12). Lubrano's father comes from a world that cannot afford to chase a calling: "dreams were simply not energy-efficient" (16). Lubrano wanted something more than mere survival tempered by a bit of comfort. However, "in a world where life is stripped to its utilitarian essence-where every move has to be about survival and money coming in-going to college is criminally self-indulgent" (32). Thus, when Lubrano gets a degree, his father can't understand why he doesn't keep thinking like a utilitarian and land the highest paying job so he doesn't have to worry about survival and money. Why choose a profession that pays blue-collar wages, even if it doesn't involve the physicality of blue-collar work? I think the answer is that Lubrano views journalism as his calling. Delivering the truth to people is a service beyond his own self-interests that he desires to carry out.
I think three reasons explain why the contemporary middle class in the U.S. directs their children more and more to choose a career for monetary reasons rather than pursue a calling (the whole decline of the humanities and rise of the business and professional tracks in college is indicative of this trend). First, I think many people who believe they are middle class are more accurately defined as working-class, at least economically-speaking. Although Lubrano, for example, wears a white collar to an office job, his paycheck and lack of power at work, I'd argue, plant him firmly in the working-class. Second, I think many middle class families fear downward mobility. They don't want to see their children slip down a rung or two on the ladder. Third, I think that capitalism--although a widely productive economic system--generally subsumes all other values into the universal exchange value (the cash nexus). The values that sustain the pursuit of a calling are simply not registered by the market. How do you transfer care into cash? One result of money being the modus operandi of our culture is the waning in value of careers dedicated to social service. Jobs like teaching don't pay well and are not as prestigious as their private sector counterparts. There's surely more to say about this trend, but this comment is long enough! :)
Straddling is really a perfect description of the life between the two classes. I have felt this duality many times. I remember with my first fiancee that being accepted by his family and mother was something that I wanted. Being from San Francisco, their world view and topics of interest were typically much different than those of most of us around here. I remember feeling stupid that they had traveled all over the world and I hadn't been out of the States. I remember his mother making fun of me because I had never had Dom Perignon, even though she just assumed I had not. I often felt out of place and without really thinking about it I made it a point to find issues they couldnt argue as well as I and I went after them. I wanted to be accepted but I also wanted to rebel. I worked really hard and made sure I traveled to places they had never been and done things they had never done. As if somehow that would fix things. Lubrano describes this straddling experience perfectly. But I am blessed that I did not have to feel unwanted or that I didnt belong at home with my parents. I always had their encouragement and pride.
ReplyDeleteAs for your question can blue collar parents ever understand their white collar children, yes I believe they can. No one likes to feel stupid but though my father never finished the seventh grade, I guarantee you he could outsmart most of you. Receiving an education doesn't make you smart. You are born smart and make smart decisions. An education only teaches you more information. If you aren't smart to begin with, well that education isn't going to make it so. I think respect is important and its easy to respect an intelligent person, regardless of their education. In fact, its easier to be unable to respect someone who has an education and doesn't use it or abuses it. I would much rather be without an education than to be an individual like that.
Alex, I also like Lubrano’s use of descriptive words “limbo” & “straddlers”. When you mentioned his description of “I am two people” it reminded me of what I did last weekend for Easter. I come from a family in which my mother was raised very wealthy (upper class) and my father was lower/middle working class. I almost feel like throughout my life I have been raised as two people. Although my parents really aren’t anything like either of their families (which is a good thing) each holiday or family get together was a perfect example of social class differences. When we were visiting my mom’s side we always had to “dress our best, act our best and use our best manners” and with my dad’s side we were able to wear whatever we wanted and run around the backyard barefoot all night. I’m not saying that either is the correct way to live and could go into many more details of how the social classes of each of my parents was displayed at family functions but I feel that in being raised this way it has given me a deeper understanding when it comes to social class issues.
ReplyDeleteThere is no doubt that every parent wants what is best for their child, but I feel like in the majority of cases what the parent wants for them or what they think is best for them might not be the right path. This book more recent and more sympathetic than Fussell’s so I feel that he is more accurate in most of his observations. I agree with your conclusions on when Lubrano said his dad told him to “make as much money as you can, to pay for as good a life you can get”. I believe that most everyone strives for their life to be like this, but (to me anyway) I feel like it is more beneficial in life to love what you do every day. I would rather love my job and make enough to get by living the life I have than to bust my ass in a crappy workplace to make enough money to buy the luxuries that most people believe make you “happy” in life!
Your discussion about getting a college education brought up many great points. I truly feel that if someone is from a blue collar family and they are pushing themselves to go to college they are already changing. They have different goals and dreams so they are already becoming these “Straddlers.” I also want to point out that even though our parents didn’t attend college THAT long ago, the pressure and importance that society has placed on receiving a college education to be successful in the American workplace has greatly increased over the past decade.
This book made me feel more appreciative of my parents and how hard they worked for me and my bothers to have a better lifestyle then what they had when they were growing up. My parents worked very hard to make sure that my siblings and I were never without. I know in each class the value of life, things, wants and necessities are different; but this book helped me to see how hard some parents work to make sure that their kid get the best of everything. When parents work hard like that, they are teaching their kids or pushing them sub-consciously in a higher class; and to want for the best.
ReplyDeleteYou asked:"Can the blue-collared parents ever truly understand their white collared kids? Will they always feel like they are two people?"
I say yes, Blue-collared parents understand their white collar kids, because at the end of the day they are right their patting you on your back telling you how proud they are. I think blue-collard parents are the proudest parents. They are always in your corner no matter what happens. You can fail horribly in life and they are the first to pick you. It the kids that don't understand the parents until they are fully mature and grown, and understand what it means to pay bills and rent.
You talked about the beginning of the book and how Lubrano tells us about his dad being a bricklayer. I can see how his dad would take on the mind set,” Once the walls were up, a place took on a different feel for him.” I know multiple parents that work hard to build something or create something and don't have the opportunity to experience or even see what they have put their hard work into. They often rely on others to appreciate what they have done, and sometimes it goes unnoticed.
ReplyDeleteTo your Question “Do straddlers ever get comfortable in each side or will they always have the stress of not completely filling into one or both sides?” I truly believe that they will always feel like they are part of both sides. An individual may feel comfortable as part of middle class white collar but they are constantly reminded of where they came from, especially if they have a close relationship with their parents.